Dealing With Jealousy After the Discovery of an Affair

Dealing With Jealousy After the Discovery of an Affair


Guarding yourself against feelings of jealousy

Eye Spy discusses dealing with jealousy. Jealousy after the discovery of infidelity is normal and expected. In the early days, or immediately after the discovery of an affair bitterness in your heart toward the other woman is quiet normal and natural. If you are currently struggling with jealousy, I recommend you search your heart. Most likely, something is behind the feeling of your jealousy. Most likely it is some sort of fear.

Everyone wants to be loved and desires to be needed; You also want to be desired and accepted. Feelings of jealousy arises because of looming fear that the “other woman” is taking the source of your love, desire, and need away from you. You are also fearful of losing your partner. Though it is natural to feel envious or jealous, it is NOT OK to act on it.

It is important to keep in mind that, there is frequently sadness and grief at the thought of the end of a significant relationship. There can be fear at the prospect of being single again and possibly for a long time.

It is not unusual to feel jealous, because you are losing your partner’s attention and love. Jealousy is caused by the fact that you have lost the number-one spot in your partner’s heart. So it seems for now. It is caused by the emotional fear that you are being replaced. Your emotional brain translates this into the belief that you are no longer wanted, desired, or loved.

When you catch your partner cheating and having an affair, it diminishes your self-esteem a bit, leaving you feeling worthless and ugly. However, please understand that leaving or choosing another woman or man has nothing to do with you. Those are the betrayer’s choices and preferences and by no means a reflection of you or your worth. It may be difficult, but you know in your heart of hearts that if your “unfaithful” partner was really such a catch, then he or she would not lie, cheat, or deceive. It is easy to think he or she is a prized possession, but in reality he or she is not.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~ Jan Glidewell

Getting over jealousy can be tough for many, but it quickly destroys your heart and spirit. You cannot successfully live in the present and plan for the future if your head and heart are still living stuck in the past.

Furthermore, it is false thinking that another human being belongs to us or we own them. No matter how precious and close we are to our partner, regarding him or her as our property is not appropriate. Accepting that he or she no longer values us or wants to be with us might be hurtful, but that does not mean you will never love again or find another one who loves you.

Just know that your cheating spouse has lost something greater, and that’s YOU. You have to be confident and know that you are still a good person with many strengths and talents.

It is time to change your thoughts and view about the betrayal. You need to enjoy your newfound freedom and take this opportunity to change what was not right about the last relationship. Take some time to carve out your future for yourself based on what you really desire and want, and not based on where you used to be or what happened. Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh all your options. Crisis and loss often are the smack in the head that we need to move us out of complacency and the false sense of security we may have built up around our self.

Accept the reality. You can’t change the past, and dwelling on blame or what could, should, would have been is only going to make things worse. It’s important to work through your feelings.

Affairs are devastating, but they are also an opportunity to evaluate our relationships and our priorities.


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