There may come a time in your life where you start to wonder, Are you being used? Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but if you really want to know if you are being used, it’s best to take a long look at your life and relationship. Find out the truth before you get in too deep. Call the Michigan Private Detectives at Eye Spy today.
Is It Love, Or Are You Being Used?
Vulnerability is a necessary part of loving relationships. It’s the one thing that allows for mutual trust to fully develop, however, this is only the case when both parties allow themselves to be vulnerable to the other. As luck would have it, most relationships have one party feeling much more vulnerable than the other.
Being the vulnerable one in a relationship can be difficult. Not just because of what it allows or doesn’t allow for, but also because it’s difficult to cope with. Being vulnerable and being the only one vulnerable just adds to your vulnerability. Most of all, it can be incredibly difficult to understand what the way you are feeling means.
Where Is The Trust?
Not knowing if you can trust another person, particularly someone supposedly close to you, is confusing and upsetting. You may have chosen to overlook it, or deal with it for the time being. Or perhaps you simply aren’t sure what to think; using another person requires manipulation, after all. Luckily, there are signs, and some waving flags, to alert you to situations in which you’re being used. You only have to be willing to see them and make decisions about how you will handle them.
It’s hard to think clearly when it comes to the people we love. Our gut reaction — normally spot-on — can be completely derailed when we want to believe our significant other is telling the truth. But people lie in relationships all the time, be they white lies, lies of omission, or elaborate fibs. Such suspicions may arise in the form of a partner who only texts when it’s convenient for them, or when they want a late night hookup.
Red Flags and Signs: Are You Being Used?
- Uncomfortable feeling: Relationships should make you feel comfortable and put you at ease. This discomfort comes from the lack of balance in a relationship. That’s why, if someone is using you, you may start to feel increasingly uncomfortable around them.
- You can’t say no: When someone is using you, they may start this weird sort of power play that leaves you afraid to say no. They will try to manipulate you with fear. They will sniff out your insecurities and prey upon them. Fear tactics are a big sign to watch out for.
- Only being nice when it’s convenient: Beware of people who are only super sweet and thoughtful when they want to borrow something, or ask a favor. These are the same people who will cold shoulder you once they get what they want.
- Late Night Calls: Unless you’re both on board for midnight hookups and last-minute dates, don’t settle for this sort of treatment. It’s often a sign the other person is just keeping you around until something better comes along, and that can really hurt.
- Favors: A user will often paint themselves as the most helpful person on the planet. But, somewhat creepily, they are often only doing so to benefit themselves. When it comes time to for them to ask a favor, they’ll bring up “all they did for you.” It just screams of guilt-tripping. They will do a very small favor for you and then use that to create a sense of guilt and obligation in you.
- Resentment: With all the favors, the guilt-tripping, and the outlandish requests, be prepared to feel some resentment. This won’t be the case in a balanced relationship, where everyone’s needs are being equally met.
- Your Needs: Think about the possible user in your life. Does he or she ever focus on your needs? Probably not. This is why they are a user. If you mention your needs, they will ignore them, or even argue with you. Once you realize what they’re up to, it can all seem pretty obvious.
- Personal Gain: Is your friend betraying your trust, and trying to snatch up everything you love? This could mean anything from flirting with a person you mentioned you were interested in, or stealing your ideas and claiming them as her own in order to get ahead at work. If so, run for the hills. This person obviously does not have your best interests at heart.
But, There’s More:
- Again and Again: Anyone can pull this age old trick, but it’s especially common in romantic relationships. Think about the partner who ignores you just until you’re about to give up, before suddenly asking to hang out. It’s the classic move that shows this person is keeping you around for selfish, user-y reasons.
- Forgot their wallet, again: Keep an eye on how often you reach for your wallet, whether it’s with your significant other, friends, or family members. If you find yourself constantly covering dinner, the movies, and all of their expenses, it could be a sign they are using you for cash.
- Nothing in Return: Many people have experienced relationships that seem entirely one-sided. When that’s the case, you may feel like you’re the only one putting in any effort, the only one making plans, the only one buying gifts, etc. etc. Again, relationships are about balance. If your partner seems unwilling to occasionally return the favor, don’t be surprised when you start to feel used.Now I’m not saying you should resent doing favors, or working late, or occasionally picking up the tab. But do pay attention to these little red flags, as well as why you’ve turned yourself into the proverbial doormat. With a little self care, you can start to even out these unbalanced relationships.
- Secret Relationship: Just like how women can keep men on emotional leashes while physically friend zoning them, men can have intimate relationships with women while emotionally friend zoning them. There is no point fighting this. If he introduces you to people as a friend than no matter how much you confuse your physical intimacy with emotional intimacy, that is what you are, a friend!
- Online Relationship ONLY: Now people might meet online and have lasting relationships but compare the number of people who meet online and the ones who find love. If you meet someone on a site that helps you find hot single people living near you and your entire relationship is limited to chats and hooking up, do I even have to explain what is going on here? Then there are “cute” relationships where all interaction is limited to chats and the action is limited to Skype. Technology is great. But our end game is not to become robots, there are primitive things like face to face human interaction and intimacy that will never go out of fashion. Being on someone’s online hookup rotation is not even close to what a relationship is.
- Twice a Month Meetings: Meeting twice a month is normal. It is if you’re in a long distance relationship. But if you live in the same city, a person who cares about you will make more of an effort to squeeze you into their schedule, no matter how busy they are. I know a lot of people who are corporate lawyers, partners, doctors and others who have demanding jobs that take up more than half of their day. But even they take out time for the people they love. When someone with a normal job is too busy to meet you. Therefore, you are probably one of the many people on their rotation. So don’t sweat it or give in to the lousy excuses that you and your friends think up in their defense.
Is It A Real Relationship?
- Fake Relationship: This one’s tricky, to differentiate a real relationship from one that’s fake. What really is a fake relationship? It’s an illusion that you have come to believe, illusion of a long lasting relationship. Many of us are in fake relationships, without even knowing. What you might be having is an affair, real relationships take a lot of efforts, no doubts there. But they are always better than fake ones in the long run. However, there is a big difference. For example, between someone just saying those lovey-dovey things to you and someone that actually means those things.
There are a lot of things that need to be considered in order to be in a ‘real relationship’. Furthermore, because one can easily manipulate someone and fool them into believing that they actually love them. Mostly people try to get in relationships just to ‘get in their pants’. However, it is more like a ‘time-pass’ kind of a thing. Find out if they are in this relationship for the right reasons. Call The Detroit Michigan Private Investigators at Eye Spy Detective Agency right away at 888-393-7799